The Vision Board: Time

The year started and I vowed I would make this year count. I was going to make time to up-skill after feeling intellectually lethargic and academically lazy. The day job was on auto pilot and socially, work was challenging me like never before. Confronting difficult, working relationships, walking away nursing my own wounds or helping bandage someone else’s. I started to understand the what it means to walk with someone, rather than to compete in a race with them. I wanted to see if I could learn that new language to fluent proficiency, seek new job opportunities, read more books, in the hopes I’d add some more visions to this board. I’m recognising more words in French than ever before, reading more than I have; I was even invited to join a book club! I was excited about 2020, new decade, a revised and wiser Aaron was on the horizon, consciously working towards elevation. My South Korea trip with Saul was imminently pending and the Big Bang to kick off and really solidify embracing my uncomfortable zone. The anticipation of new and strange food, spring sun and Air B’n’B hopping was palpating. Sizzlingly excited for my departure and return to the UK with Hershey kissed skin and new experiences. I was broadening my horizons, actively pursuing and seeking out situations for my own personal and positive growth.

A spanner has put that on hold, and all of our working lives have been disrupted. As I work from gnome and endure a mind numbing and laborious training week. I was in desperate need of equaling the numb to balance out my boredom; I took to instagram. The usual half naked bear, music and vocal training videos, tattoos and plus size women littered my timeline. I came across a friend I hadn’t spoke to in a while, saw a post about their partner’s isolation birthday. Inquisition took hold as this was the first opportunity I had in about 10 hours to peruse something I was vaguely interested in, I started looking through their timeline. All the pictures that were once there with us in, were deleted. Clearly a conscious decision. A pang of hurt hit my heart and momentarily made me a little breathless. Confusion and doubt set in and I began to question what was it I done, to make them want to erase me from their socially displayed memory?

The majority of us want to erase this lockdown and removal of civil liberties from our mind as quickly as COVID-19 rose up and reigned it’s on going terror on the world. And just like the vision board I created at the start of the year, and the unforeseen circumstances that threaten to throw my board off kilter, throwing all of our plans into disarray. I wondered, would I want to erase the memory of this time? There are clear positives, one being we have never has so much time ‘together’ before. Our relationships take the toll of the world’s cripplingly circumstance, not to mention our mental health. Getting hold of my counsellor is harder than getting toilet paper at the supermarket. I am worrying about the dark side of my Bipolar risking the element of freedom to bloom darkness on uncertain times. Knowing this recipe is the birth place of a manic episode, the circumstances are eerily similar to the onset of my last episode, my sanity comes from us all being in the same fight, together. Professional hierarchies have been temporarily erased, our position on this planet has become one. We are equally as important as each other, no more, no less. You, I and everyone else are being shown that our time here is precious. A reprieve is upon us; a diamond sits inside the uncompressed coal. And my vision board is exactly that: a vision. Visions can change and I am in control to help it glisten. I embarked on doing a weekly podcast, having no real clear direction I knew I wanted to talk. To men especially about things men do not talk about. I look forward to it, because now, we converse as people and not as our positions, bank balances or possessions. Creative new ways to Zoom, House Party or FaceTime drink and tell our loved ones the regard we hold for them have been created. So much potential is waiting to erupt once we figure our way out of this. We are falling in love with our local businesses and appreciating the key workers keeping our world turning so we can stunt in our ASOS order on our next Zoom party. We have the time to breathe deep, close our eyes and feel the air escape our lungs, the blood rushing through our veins, and the steady beat of our heart. This is our time to pause. Literally, slow down to really understand what it is to be alive and wrestle with adjustment. We are about to see spring bloom daily, evaluate the toxicity we never had the time to cleanse, whilst we appreciate the gentle pink hues of the cherry blossoms. Whether that is erasing things from our timeline, spring cleaning our hearts, learning to be ourselves and fall in love with us again. The time is now.

There is nothing more valuable than the gift of time.